Single Parents with Special Needs Children in Abject Poverty

Did you know that many single parents with special needs children are in abject poverty within 2 years of divorce? When you think about it, it makes sense. Things are often more difficult financially after divorce. Two households are now trying to make ends meet on income that might not have been enough for one household before divorce. Also, when both parents are living together, they can avoid some childcare costs by taking turns with the children while the other parent works, runs errands, etc. When there is no other parent in the house, childcare costs are often higher. When there is a child with a disability or special need, the primary caregiver parent sometimes has to work part-time or not at all, in order to take care of the child. Taking care of a child with significant disabilities can be a full-time job. So do the math, and it is not surprising, after all, that many single parents with special needs children are in abject poverty within 2 years of divorce.

Divorce Rates of Families with Special Needs Children

Divorce affects over 1 million children each year in the United States. The number of special needs children in the United States and throughout the world is skyrocketing. The family courts are already overwhelmed with their caseloads of divorces, paternity and modification cases. The divorce rates for families with a special needs child are 80 to 90 %. When our families go through the court system for divorce or paternity cases, we can't just be treated like other families. We need to connect with each other and educate the lawyers and judges about what our children and our families need.

I have been a lawyer for 23 years, and practice only in the area of family law. My son was diagnosed with autism when he was 3 years old. His father and I divorced when my son was 3 years old. I wrote a special Parenting Plan to make sure our individual issues were thoroughly addressed when we got divorced.

Lawyers, judges and families ask me every day for information on how to handle divorces and paternity cases involving special needs children. I developed checklists, special forms and other extensive materials to be used when our families go through divorce. These checklists, forms, samples and other materials have now been published in a law book by the American Bar Association. The Special Needs Child and Divorce was published in April 2009.

I am going around the United States speaking at law conferences and special needs conferences trying to get this information out so our families have a better result when we go through the family court system. I can't do it alone.

We need to connect with each other, as parents, grandparents and other family members of special needs children - as lawyers and judges - as teachers, therapists, doctors, nurses and others who work with our children - to share this information.

With millions of children worldwide every year being affected by divorce, we have to get the word out, to increase awareness of the issues, to teach the legal system how divorce affects our daily lives when we have special needs children, and to offer solutions and guidance.

One way for us to get the word out is to share our stories of things that happen in our lives when we go through divorce. Some of you are going through divorce right now, and raising a child with special needs. Tell the lawyers and the judges what your daily life is like. Many of them don't know. Many of them really do care, and would care even more if you can humanize it for them.

Please share your stories so we can all connect and make lives better for our special needs children and for our families.